Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today to bid farewell to a dear friend, Meta's Threads. Born with the ambitious dream of rivaling Twitter, Threads came into this world with a bang, amassing a whopping 100 million users in the first five days of its launch. But alas, as the saying goes, "Pride comes before a fall."
Threads, oh Threads, you were the talk of the town, the belle of the ball, the new kid on the block that everyone wanted to meet. But as the weeks rolled on, people began to realize that you were all style and no substance. You were the really good-looking new kid in class that everyone wanted to talk to, but then they got to work out whether there was anything more to you.
Your lack of features, dear Threads, was your Achilles' heel. No direct messaging, no ability to search topics and tags, and a disorganized, algorithm-based feed that left users feeling disoriented. You were like a party with no music, a car with no wheels, a bird with no wings. You promised a social media revolution, but delivered a social media evolution... in reverse.
And let's not forget the creators, the lifeblood of any social platform. Where were the monetization options? YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, they all offer creators opportunities to generate revenue through brand partnerships and advertisements. But you, Threads, you left them high and dry. You were like a stage with no spotlight, a concert with no tickets, a movie with no popcorn.
But let's not be too harsh. After all, you were young, and youth is the season of mistakes. Your decline in user engagement, from a peak of 100 million to a mere 13 million, and the average time spent on the app dropping from 19 minutes to a paltry four, these were but growing pains. You were learning, evolving, trying to find your place in a world dominated by social media giants.
And let's not forget, your parents at Meta remained patient. They believed in you, even when the world was ready to write you off. They spoke of improving your features, of dialing in performance, of improving ranking. They had hopes for your slow but steady progress. And who knows, maybe one day, you'll rise from the ashes, stronger and better than before.
So here's to Threads, a social platform that dared to dream big, but stumbled along the way. May you find peace in the great digital beyond, and may your story serve as a reminder to all, that in the world of social media, it's not just about the launch, it's about the journey. Rest in peace, Threads. You will be remembered. Too bad, big daddy Zuck could not give a buck!